Separation Anxiety and Starting Childcare

Why it happens

• Around 8 to 10 months, babies learn that you still exist when you leave the room, and that you can go. Clinginess, crying at goodbyes and wariness of strangers are signs of a healthy bond.
• It often peaks between about 10 and 18 months, and usually eases by around age 2 to 3. It can come back for a while with a new caregiver, a move, a new sibling or illness.

Goodbyes that help

• Say goodbye; don't sneak out. Sneaking away tends to make children more watchful.
• Keep it short and the same each time: a hug, a phrase ("I'll be back after nap"), and go.
• Leave calmly, even if they cry. Most children settle within minutes once you've gone; ask the caregiver to send a quick update.
• Come back when you said you would, using events they understand ("after snack") rather than clock times.
• Practice with short separations at home first, with a grandparent or sitter.
• A comfort object from home, such as a small blanket or a photo, can help.

Starting daycare or a new caregiver

• Visit together first, and if you can, make the first few days shorter.
• Tell the caregiver about naps, feeding, comfort tricks and words your child uses.
• Expect some tired, clingy evenings and earlier bedtimes for the first couple of weeks.
• Expect more colds in the first year of group care. It's normal, and it usually means fewer later.

At night

Separation anxiety can show up as new night waking. A brief, calm check-in that's the same every time reassures without starting a new habit.

When to check in

• Most children settle within minutes once you've gone — ask the caregiver for a quick update. If distress regularly lasts much longer than that, or stops your child eating, sleeping or playing for weeks, talk to the doctor.
• Fear of separating that stops your child from eating, sleeping or playing for weeks, or that comes with other worries (stomachaches, nightmares), is worth a conversation.
• Sudden fear of one particular person or place deserves a closer look.