Military Families: Helping Young Kids Through Deployment

What young children understand

• Babies notice that a familiar person is gone and that the at-home caregiver is stressed. They may be fussier or sleep worse for a while.
• Toddlers and preschoolers don't understand time or distance. They may think the parent left because of them, or that they won't come back. Clinginess, tantrums, potty setbacks and sleep problems are common during the deployment cycle.
• This applies to every military family: a deploying parent of any gender, dual-military couples, single service members, and grandparents or relatives stepping in.

Before deployment

• Tell toddlers and preschoolers a week or two ahead, simply: "Daddy is going to work far away on a ship. He'll be gone a long time. He loves you and will call when he can."
• Make a Family Care Plan. Single service members and dual-military couples are required to have one; every family benefits. Name caregivers, and set up powers of attorney, medical consent and school or daycare pickup.
• Record the deploying parent reading bedtime books or singing. Make a photo book or a doll with their picture.
• Set up a visual countdown that fits your child's age: a paper chain or a jar of treats, one per week.

During deployment

• Keep routines steady. Predictable days are calming when a parent is missing.
• Keep the absent parent present: their photo at the table, "letters" from your child (drawings count), video calls when possible. Keep calls short and relaxed for young children.
• Let your child's feelings be big: "You miss Mama. I miss her too." Don't promise exact dates if they may change.
• Protect the at-home parent: ask for meals, school pickups and childcare. Military family support groups, Military OneSource (free, confidential counseling) and on-base childcare programs can help.

Homecoming and reintegration

• Expect mixed feelings. Babies may not recognize the returning parent at first; toddlers may hide or test limits. Give it time and lots of low-pressure play.
• The returning parent should ease into routines and discipline slowly, following the at-home parent's lead for a few weeks.
• Couples often need to renegotiate roles. Re-share the mental load deliberately.

Frequent moves

• Moves every few years are part of military life. See the moving house guide for preparing young children and setting up a safe new home. Transfer medical records and waitlist for childcare early.

When to check in

• Ask the pediatrician if regression or distress lasts more than a couple of months.
• Military and Family Life Counselors and the New Parent Support Program offer free, confidential help. Military OneSource is available around the clock.
• If a service member or family member is in crisis, call 988 and press 1 for the Military and Veterans Crisis Line. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.