Raising Bilingual Kids and Handling Grandparents' Old Advice

Two or more languages are a gift, not a burden

• Babies can learn every language they hear often from people who talk with them. Growing up with two or more languages is normal in much of the world.
• Learning more than one language does not cause speech or language delay. Bilingual children reach their first words and first sentences on the same broad timeline as other children.
• A bilingual toddler may know fewer words in each language than a one-language child, but about as many or more in total. Count words in all languages when you check milestones.
• If a child is truly delayed, they will show it in all their languages. Dropping a home language does not fix a delay and can cost the child their connection to family.

Ways families do it

• One parent, one language. Each parent mostly uses their own language with the child. Works well when both parents are around a lot.
• Minority language at home. The family speaks the heritage language at home, and the child picks up the community language at childcare, school and outside. This often gives the home language the best chance to stick.
• Time or place. One language on weekends, at a grandparent's home, or at mealtimes.
• No method is "correct". What matters is that the child hears each language a lot, from real people, in warm everyday talk, songs, stories and play, and keeps hearing it as they grow.
• Speak the language you are most fluent in and feel most yourself in. Rich talk in your strongest language helps more than stiff talk in a second one. See the talk-to-your-baby guide.

Mixing languages is normal

• Children often mix words from two languages in one sentence, or answer in the "easier" language. This is a normal sign of a bilingual brain at work, not confusion. Adults who speak two languages do it too.
• If the child answers in the community language, keep talking in the home language. Visits, calls with relatives, books, music and playmates who speak it give the language a reason to matter.
• Expect the community language to take over somewhat after school starts. Steady exposure keeps the home language alive.

Heritage and culture

• Children build a sense of who they are from their family's stories, food, holidays, faith, music and language. Share them often and without apology.
• Children in multicultural or immigrant families may feel caught between cultures at times. Talk about it openly; both parts of who they are belong to them.

When grandparents' advice differs from today's guidance

Every generation was taught what was considered best at the time. Some advice has changed because newer research found safer ways. Common examples: - Babies now sleep on their backs, alone, on a flat, firm surface, with no pillows, bumpers, blankets, or sleeping on a sofa. Tummy sleeping is no longer advised. - No honey before age 1, because of the risk of infant botulism. - No cereal in a bottle; it doesn't improve sleep and raises choking and overfeeding concerns. - No water, teas or herbal remedies for young babies unless the pediatrician says so. - Car seats are used for every ride, rear-facing as long as the seat allows.

How to talk about it kindly: - Lead with respect: "You raised us so well. Some things have changed since then, and the doctor asked us to do it this way." - Blame the guideline, not the person: "This is what the pediatrician says now." - Say yes where you can. Many traditions, such as special foods for the parent who gave birth, rest periods, songs, massage and carrying, fit well with modern safety advice. - Bring them to a checkup or share a printed guide so they hear it from the source.

When to check in

• Mention it at the next checkup if your child isn't babbling by about 9 months, has few words in any language by about 18 months, or loses words or skills they had.
• Ask for a speech-language evaluation from someone who understands bilingual development, and include all languages in the assessment.