Grandparents as Caregivers: What's Changed and Raising Grandkids

A huge help, in many forms

• Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings and family friends do a large share of childcare in many families: regular days, nights so parents can sleep, school pickups, or full-time care.
• In many cultures, extended family raising children together is the norm. Children benefit from more than one close, caring adult.
• This guide is for those caregivers and for the parents working out the details with them.

What's changed since you raised your kids

Advice changes as research finds safer ways. Quick updates: - Sleep. Back to sleep for every nap and night, alone, on a flat, firm surface with a fitted sheet only: no bumpers, pillows, blankets or soft toys. No sleeping on a sofa, recliner, swing or in a car seat. Tummy sleeping is no longer advised. See the safe sleep guide. - Car seats. Every ride, correctly installed, rear-facing as long as the seat's limits allow, usually well past age 2. No bulky coats under the straps. Seats expire; check the label. - No honey before age 1, including on a pacifier, because of infant botulism. - No cereal in the bottle. It doesn't help sleep and adds choking and overfeeding risk. Solids usually start around 6 months (not before 4 months), when the baby shows signs of readiness, by spoon or as soft finger foods. - No water, juice or tea for young babies, unless the pediatrician says so. Until solids start, babies get only breast milk or formula; small sips of water can begin around 6 months, and juice is not recommended before age 1. - Allergens early, not delayed. Current guidance is to offer peanut (thinned peanut butter or peanut powder, never whole nuts) and well-cooked egg around 4 to 6 months, once the baby is ready for solids, and keep offering them regularly. Babies with severe eczema or a known food allergy may need a plan from the pediatrician first. See the guide on introducing common allergens. - No walkers, and medicines are given only as directed on the label or by the pediatrician. - Responding to crying doesn't spoil a baby. Holding and comforting help a young baby feel safe.

Boundaries, kindly

• For parents: decide which rules are non-negotiable (usually safety) and which can be relaxed at a grandparent's (an extra treat, a later bedtime once in a while). Say thank you often.
• Explain the why: "The pediatrician told us this lowers the risk." Blame the guideline, not the person.
• For grandparents: you can raise concerns once, privately, then follow the parents' lead. Your experience is valuable; the parents still make the calls.
• Keep a written handoff sheet with routines, allergies, medicines and phone numbers.

Raising grandchildren (kinship care)

• Many children are raised by grandparents or other relatives when parents can't, because of illness, addiction, incarceration, deployment or death. This is called kinship care.
• Children in kinship care often do better than children placed with strangers: they keep family, culture and familiar faces. They may also carry grief and trauma, and need patience and routine.
• Look after your own health. Raising young children later in life is physically and emotionally hard. Grandparent support groups help with both the practical and the lonely parts.

Legal and benefit pointers (US, general)

• You may need legal authority to enroll a child in school, consent to medical care or travel. Options include a power of attorney or caregiver authorization form (in some states), custody, guardianship or adoption. Each has different effects on parents' rights and on benefits.
• Kinship caregivers may qualify for a child-only cash grant, health coverage for the child through Medicaid or CHIP, food support, tax credits, and, if licensed as foster parents, foster care payments. Many states run kinship navigator programs; dialing 211 is a good first step.
• Speak to a family-law attorney or legal aid office before choosing a legal path.

When to check in

• Ask the pediatrician to review immunizations for the caregivers too: whooping cough (Tdap) and a flu shot protect a young baby, and COVID and RSV vaccines may be advised for older adults.
• A family therapist can help when a child grieves an absent parent or family tensions run high.