# Separation Anxiety and Starting Childcare

> Why clinginess peaks around 10 to 18 months, goodbyes that help, and starting daycare.

Stage: toddler - Topic: Behavior - Page: https://www.askcladle.com/guides/toddler/separation-anxiety-and-childcare

Grounded in: AAP HealthyChildren guidance on separation anxiety and on starting child care, and the CDC milestone checklists.

## TLDR

- Clinginess often peaks around 10-18 months and eases by 2-3. It's a sign of a healthy bond.
- Say goodbye, don't sneak out. Keep it short and the same each time, then leave calmly.
- For a new caregiver, visit together first and start with shorter days. Distress that lasts much longer or for weeks is worth a call.

## Why it happens

- Around 8 to 10 months, babies learn that you still exist when you leave the room, and that you
  can go. Clinginess, crying at goodbyes and wariness of strangers are signs of a healthy bond.
- It often peaks between about 10 and 18 months, and usually eases by around age 2 to 3. It can
  come back for a while with a new caregiver, a move, a new sibling or illness.

## Goodbyes that help

- Say goodbye; don't sneak out. Sneaking away tends to make children more watchful.
- Keep it short and the same each time: a hug, a phrase ("I'll be back after nap"), and go.
- Leave calmly, even if they cry. Most children settle within minutes once you've gone; ask the
  caregiver to send a quick update.
- Come back when you said you would, using events they understand ("after snack") rather than
  clock times.
- Practice with short separations at home first, with a grandparent or sitter.
- A comfort object from home, such as a small blanket or a photo, can help.

## Starting daycare or a new caregiver

- Visit together first, and if you can, make the first few days shorter.
- Tell the caregiver about naps, feeding, comfort tricks and words your child uses.
- Expect some tired, clingy evenings and earlier bedtimes for the first couple of weeks.
- Expect more colds in the first year of group care. It's normal, and it usually means fewer later.

## At night

Separation anxiety can show up as new night waking. A brief, calm check-in that's the same every
time reassures without starting a new habit.

## When to check in

- Most children settle within minutes once you've gone — ask the caregiver for a quick update. If
  distress regularly lasts much longer than that, or stops your child eating, sleeping or playing
  for weeks, talk to the doctor.
- Fear of separating that stops your child from eating, sleeping or playing for weeks, or that comes
  with other worries (stomachaches, nightmares), is worth a conversation.
- Sudden fear of one particular person or place deserves a closer look.