# Say What to Do, Not What Not to Do

> Positive directions toddlers can follow: swap "don't" for what to do instead, with examples for hitting, running, climbing and more.

Stage: toddler - Topic: Behavior - Page: https://www.askcladle.com/guides/toddler/say-what-to-do

Grounded in: research on young children's comprehension of negation (Feiman et al., 2017), and widely shared early-childhood guidance on positive directions, consistent with Janet Lansbury's calm limits and Faber and Mazlish's cooperation skills.

Reviewed: 2026-10

## TLDR

- Young toddlers struggle with "don't": they hear the action word first.
- Say what to do instead: "Stay on the sidewalk", "Gentle hands", "You can touch her feet."
- Keep it short and calm at their level, and if they still can't stop, follow through kindly with your hands.

## The idea

Very young children (roughly under 2½) often struggle to process a negative in the moment — they
hear the action word first. A positive direction says exactly what to do instead, so it's easier
to follow.

## Swap it

- "Don't run in the street" -> "Stay on the sidewalk."
- "Don't hit" -> "Gentle hands."
- "Don't touch the baby's face" -> "You can touch her feet."
- "Don't yell" -> "Use your quiet voice."
- "Don't throw the ball inside" -> "Roll the ball," or "Balls go outside."
- "Don't climb on the table" -> "Feet on the floor."
- "Stop splashing" -> "Keep the water in the tub."

## Tips

- Keep it short and calm, at the child's eye level.
- Pair it with what they can do: "Blocks are for building. You can throw this soft ball."
- If they still can't stop, follow through kindly: "I won't let you hit. I'm going to hold your
  hands," then offer the gentle option again.