# Quick Calm-Down Skills for Toddlers and Preschoolers

> Quick calm-down skills for toddlers and preschoolers: playful breathing, naming feelings, moving and drawing it out, and practicing when calm.

Stage: toddler - Topic: Behavior - Page: https://www.askcladle.com/guides/toddler/big-little-feelings-calm-down-skills

Grounded in: Big Little Feelings (Deena Margolin and Kristin Gallant), including their guidance on managing a tantrum already in progress (their blog and the Winning the Toddler Stage course), plus widely shared co-regulation ideas. Summarized in Cradle's own words, not quoted. Big Little Feelings is not affiliated with Cradle and has not reviewed this card.

Reviewed: 2026-11

## TLDR

- Children learn to calm down by doing it with a calm adult, over and over.
- Try playful slow breathing (blow out candles, lion roars), naming the feeling, and letting crying happen.
- Practice when everyone is calm; mid-meltdown, your calm body is the main tool. Very frequent or harmful meltdowns are worth a pediatrician visit.

## The idea

Children aren't born knowing how to settle a big feeling; they learn it by doing it with a calm
adult, over and over. A few simple, body-based tools give them something to *do* with the feeling.

## Calm-down tools to try

- **Slow, deep breaths made playful.** Blow pretend bubbles, smell a flower and blow out a candle,
  or roar like a lion on the out-breath. A long exhale helps calm the body.
- **Let crying happen.** Crying is how a toddler shows a big feeling, not something to shut down.
  Swap "Stop crying" for something like "It's okay to cry. I'm right here."
- **Say the feeling out loud.** Putting a name on the feeling ("You're so frustrated") is itself a coping
  skill and tends to lower its intensity.
- **Draw it out.** Scribbling hard on paper lets the feeling out; the picture doesn't matter.
- **Move it through the body.** Jumping, stomping, pushing against a wall, or squeezing a squishy
  toy or pillow are safe outlets for anger.
- **Ask for help.** Learning that it's okay to go to a grown-up when things feel too big is an early
  problem-solving skill.
- **Hugs.** Many children settle with a hug, or by hugging themselves. It works for adults too.

## Hot tip: practice when calm

During a meltdown a child's thinking brain is overwhelmed and new skills don't stick. Rehearse
these at calm, playful times (bath time breathing, a stomping game, drawing "mad" scribbles), so
they're familiar when a big feeling hits. In the moment, your own calm body is the main tool.

## When to check in

If meltdowns are very frequent, long, involve hurting themselves or others, or come with sleep,
eating or development worries, talk to the pediatrician.